


Once More With Feeling

by shortstackedcheesecake96



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Lime, M/M, What could have happened to the boys in high school if Ass Burgers had ended a little differently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 22:39:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2890568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortstackedcheesecake96/pseuds/shortstackedcheesecake96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Eric was ten years old, his life changed drastically. Stan turned cynical, their childhood friendship group was fractured and Kyle and Eric slowly grew closer. Eight years later, and time is running out for Eric to swallow his fear and tell Kyle exactly how he feels. Oneshot. Rated M for sexual scenes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once More With Feeling

Decimation. Eric's mind was clouded with it.

Three explosive words;  _'I like you'._

That's all it takes to decimate eight fragile years of friendship. Something neither Kyle nor Eric thought they'd achieve and something Eric never knew he would cherish so much.

Staring at Kyle's wildly confused face, watching him ignore the snowflakes clinging to his fiery hair and facing up to the  _hurt_ , Eric knew he had caused with his confession, was too much and he immediately regretted it. If it was anybody else, he wouldn't have cared. But it was Kyle, so he had to care. Kyle  _made_ him care.

It was because Eric cared that he had kept it inside for so long. He wasn't arrogant or deluded enough anymore to convince himself that he was worthy of Kyle. All Eric was, was a proud, fucked up kid with too many burned bridges and psychological shortcomings and Kyle was... Well, if you asked Eric, Kyle was the type of person who he begrudgingly wished he could be, a person who was smart and sure, with a storm of compassion inside him. Eric didn't know how Kyle did it, how he could tentatively offer his friendship to Eric and make him feel wanted, cared for. Eric could hardly believe he had developed such potentially destructive feelings for him, the single greatest thing in his life and he somehow found a way to fuck it up.

Before Eric could apologize, Kyle dumbly asked, "are you gonna be okay?"

Eric furrowed his eyebrows and willed for his tightened throat to open. "Sure... Are you?"

Kyle shrugged ruefully, before his smile wavered and he frowned, "I just, I wanna be on my own for a bit."

He had already started to walk off before Eric could respond.

"But I'll call you," Kyle turned back to say. "Probably tomorrow."

Eric just nodded, unable to tear his eyes away from Kyle.

* * *

There was a reason for Eric unceremoniously blurting out in a parking lot that he liked Kyle.

Eight years of friendship, fourteen years of mixed emotions and a month until graduation.

The thought of Kyle leaving here without knowing the extent of Eric's feelings for him, was frighteningly dizzying.

Eric couldn't kid himself that it was because, maybe if he told Kyle his feelings, Kyle would miraculously feel the same way. It was just that Eric didn't feel Kyle deserved to leave this town with a big, dark secret looming over him whether he knew it or not.

If I tell him, Eric reasoned, then it's a clean slate for us both.

Eric could work through his feelings, focus on other things, maybe in college he'd meet somebody new and he could finally move on. Problem was, Eric knew deep down in that weak, warring place inside him, he didn't want to move on from Kyle, ever, because who could replace him? Who else could match the overwhelming elation that swelled in Eric's chest whenever Kyle walked into a room? Who else could ever elicit the goofy, helpless smile that Eric tried so hard to conceal? Who else could read Eric like a dog-eared book? Who else would be so frank and yet unconditional with him? Who else would be able to make Eric both want to be a better person and believe that there was more than an ounce of good in him?

Kyle stopped Eric from throwing away his self-belief or his chance of redemption.

Kyle stopped Eric from doing a lot of misguided, painful things during those rocky, early adolescent years.

Kyle gave Eric so much, and Eric tried desperately to show his gratitude but he just didn't know how. But Eric knew that giving this friendship a chance, giving  _himself_  a chance was all the thanks Kyle needed.

He was fifteen when he realized he was in too deep with his emotions. Confused, guilty curiosity morphed into sordidly hot, devouring attraction and now all Eric was left with was this. These impossible feelings that he was too scared to name.

* * *

Kyle didn't call until three days after the whole 'parking lot incident'.

Eric was bracing himself for the worst, fearing that there was now a gaping chasm in their friendship and he and Kyle would be further apart from each other than they ever were. There was no way to cross the chasm, or close it, there was no hope of things ever being the same.

Eric tried to stop himself from thinking that way, grateful that Kyle was never one to skirt around an issue, so whatever pain was in store for him would hurt like fuck but be over relatively quickly. Healed but permanent, and that made Eric wince slightly.

"Hi," Kyle smiled guiltily as he answered the door. All Eric had thought about on the short walk over here was Kyle's expression upon seeing him and it was getting off to a bad start. Regardless, seeing that smile did stir Eric's heart reassuringly.

"Hi..." Eric sighed, his voice tinged with relief.

"You're gonna come in, right?" Kyle asked, his eyebrow raised.

Eric gritted his teeth as his face flushed (he never blushed in front of Kyle, he made sure of it. But it seemed that his recent confession was going to make him more prone to embarrassing slip-ups), and he stepped inside. His breath hitched slightly as Kyle's thoughtful, hazy eyes were trained on him, his mouth opened like he wanted to say something, and Eric was desperate to hear what it was.

"I'm sorry," Kyle blurted out, he took Eric's surprised silence as an invitation to continue. "I'm sorry I didn't call when I promised I would. It's just that I've- anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm sorry."

"No, I get it." Eric nodded, seeing Kyle look so torn and guilty made his chest tighten. "It's totally fine."

Kyle didn't respond, but he gave Eric a look that suggested that he didn't get it. Or, rather, he didn't get the full extent of it. But he offered Eric a forgiving smile, all the same.

A tiny smirk quirked in the corner of Eric's mouth as he raked his eyes over Kyle, not even deliberating any words, just... Looking at him. Looking at what he possibly had to lose. God, he wished Kyle would do the merciful thing and get the whole we're-no-longer-friends-because-this-is-too-weird speech out of the way so he could go home and punch a wall.

The distant noise of the TV from Kyle's living room made Eric's thick fog of thought, dissipate. A quick glance showed him Kyle's parents engrossed in some daytime talk show.

"You wanna come up to my room?" Kyle asked. "Play crappy video games or something?"

"Sure," Eric nodded, following Kyle upstairs.

* * *

Eric tried to ignore it. But, fuck, how could he not ignore it? Did Kyle want him to ignore it? Even entertaining the thought of reciprocating it made his stomach knot with anxiety and his skin flare.

There they were, up in Kyle's room, playing video games. An innocent scenario that had played out countless times before, even before Kyle and Eric grew closer, even before Eric had submerged into the untold depth that were his feelings for Kyle but suddenly, there was an undercurrent of something... Sizzling, ambiguous flirtation. A tempting wall between them that Eric didn't know whether to leave alone, or break through, reaching out to Kyle on the other side. Kyle's reflection, for now, was blurry and cruelly tempting.

Eric panicked whenever he got caught up in it, swept along unwillingly as his infamous competitive streak shone. The large, obtrusive thought that refused to shift from Eric's mind was why the fuck was Kyle doing this to him?! And he knew the answer, but he didn't want to know whether it was right or wrong.

Wrong, Eric thought, so wrong. What the hell would he want with you?

And with that thought, Eric's pixelated guy on the screen was killed for the second time.

"Fuck" Eric muttered angrily, throwing his controller on the floor.

"Dude, seriously, are you okay?" Kyle asked, Eric didn't know how he could so quickly go from subtly flirtatious to concerned. But maybe Kyle was confused too? "I told you I'm sorry-"

"I know, God damn it," Eric snapped. He closed his eyes and sighed, "I know you're sorry."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

Kyle's mouth was set in a thoughtful line and he sighed through his nose. He mumbled, "Let's start another game."

"Alright, whatever," Eric replied, his tone surly. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Eric swiftly made his way to the bathroom, wanting to put as much distance between him and Kyle as he possibly could, fast. He almost tore the bathroom door off its hinges. Eric leant against the sink, breathing heavily as he gripped his hair, wanting to rip the incessant, malignant thoughts out of his head so he and Kyle could go back to normal. He didn't want things unspoken, he didn't want to second-guess with Kyle. He just wanted all of this to be over.

That thought brought clarity, but a dark cloud of resignation too. What would this mean? That  _he_ was the one who had to separate himself from Kyle? End their friendship? The very notion clenched around Eric's heart, a mournful pain spreading all over his chest and he wanted to cry. He knew it was going to happen eventually, they would move away from each other and keep in touch but as the years would go on their friendship would fade away, little by little. But that seemed gradual and painless. This seemed brutally fast and excruciating. A severance, Eric ground his teeth.

Pushing himself away from the sink, he trudged back to Kyle's room, forming the agonizing words in his head.

"Kahl, I-" Eric began, as he walked into Kyle's room. But he stopped when he noticed the TV was off. "What happened to the game?"

Kyle was still sitting on the floor, resting against the bottom of his bed. His eyes were urgent yet apprehensive. "I need to talk to you about this, Eric."

Eric's heart strummed a little faster. "Okay," he cringed as the word came out like a gulp.

He sat next to Kyle at what he thought was an appropriate distance, but Kyle shuffled closer, regardless. It was almost enough to make Eric roll his eyes and chuckle.

"Well?" Eric asked, reverting to that old, prickly defense mechanism. "What do you wanna say? Do you have anything to say? Because I think I pretty much said it all a couple of days ago, right?"

"Right," Kyle smiled in exasperation. "And I do have something to say, smartass. I have some questions, and it'd be cool if you could answer them. If you wanted to answer them, that is..."

"Alright," Eric replied, sounding a lot braver than he felt. "Shoot."

"Okay..." Kyle began slowly. "How long? How long have you felt this way about me?"

Eric looked at Kyle, and he saw his own pathetic reflection in the wonderful verdure of Kyle's eyes. "Three years, at least that's when I realized it."

Kyle blinked, nodding to himself. "Alright, so fifteen?"

"Wow, that's quick math, Kahl." Eric joked, laughing weakly when Kyle playfully punched his arm.

"Was there a particular moment? You know, when you realized?" Kyle asked, edging closer still.

Eric instinctively backed away, but thought about the question. He smiled at the carpet when he replied, "I guess it was when I got arrested that one time for taking a piss on Officer Barbrady's cop car, and you came to the police station with your dad. Remember? When he bailed me out and you sat with me on that bench, surrounded by drug dealers and prostitutes, and I was like super drunk and half-conscious but you didn't care? And I woke up the next day, all hungover and disoriented and all I could smell was you. Then I realized I was in your bed, and you'd slept on the floor, but I just smiled and breathed it all in, and this overwhelming feeling came over me, and I knew it was... Well, whatever this is. And that it was real."

Eric didn't know how many more times Kyle was going to blink, or if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but the current look on Kyle's face, made him in danger of melting.

"So, and this may be the hardest question-"

"Yeah?"

"Why?" Kyle asked, and it was Eric's turn to blink in surprise. "Why do you like me?"

The question wasn't difficult, still, to Eric there was no answer. It was something he hadn't considered before, why exactly did he have these feelings for Kyle? "I, I don't know," Eric answered honestly. "There's a million reasons chasing each other in my head, but it's hard to make sense of them. Because whenever I look at you, they all hit me at once and I can't shut them up."

Eric could hardly believe Kyle had pried those words out of his mouth, but there they were. Kyle just stared at Eric in astonishment, wide-eyed and mouth slightly agape, Eric noticed that the rate of his breaths had picked up considerably. That was when Eric panicked, if he had said too much and if he had freaked Kyle out. Because how exactly do you react when somebody tells you something like that? Eric cursed himself for not being tactful.

Eric groaned, burying his head in his hands. "Shit, I'm sorry."

"Hey," Kyle said sternly, pulling Eric's hands away from his face. "There's nothing to apologize for. What you said was... It was wonderful, I'm just in shock because it's  _you_ , you know? I didn't think you felt that way. So strongly."

"Oh," Eric responded. "Still, that doesn't mean I was right for telling you!"

"Yes it does," Kyle insisted. "What you told me, in the parking lot, made me do a lot of thinking. And I'm starting to feel the same way about you..."

Eric could have sworn the rest of the world dropped from beneath him, breathing became more difficult.

"Fuck it, I know I already do feel the same way." Kyle continued, he moved closer to Eric and this time Eric didn't back away. God, Kyle looked so sincere and Eric's heart was sprinting. "It's strange and new, like nothing I've ever felt before, but it's there. That counts for something, doesn't it?"

Before Eric could answer, he noticed Kyle's eyes were on his mouth.

Eric swallowed, his mind whirring. "It counts for a hell of a lot..." Suddenly, he was leaning into Kyle's mouth.

Kyle chuckled under his breath, the noise ghosting Eric's lips as they tasted each other.

Then there was contact. Soft and slight at first, Eric could hardly believe this was happening and he didn't know how to proceed forward, because he wanted to, God he wanted to, one little drop of Kyle and he was already pining for more. His mouth hesitantly opened, his tongue swept across Kyle's lower lip in invitation and Kyle accepted. Eric's tongue gently pushed into Kyle's mouth, their twinned moans muffled by each other's lips as Eric fisted Kyle's hair, while Kyle clung to Eric's shoulder.

Breathy whimpers and moans gave way to heated pants and sharp exhales, and Eric didn't protest as Kyle climbed on top of him and straddled him. Their new found closeness gave their kisses new depth, allowing Eric to deliriously drink in more of Kyle's taste. Eric's hands ran all over Kyle, savoring finally being able to feel the boy he had fantasized about, his expectations exceeded. He smiled against Kyle's kiss-bruised lips as Kyle's hands alternated between running through his hair and dragging down his chest. They both softly gasped for air as Eric left Kyle's mouth, finally gathering the courage to kiss and nuzzle Kyle's warm neck. He took a piece of skin between his teeth when Kyle jolted and moaned, his fingers still tugging at Kyle's shirt as he deliberated whether it would be alright to take it off. Fuck, Eric just wanted to feel the soft, smooth skin that lay beneath the pesky material.

Knowingly, Kyle pressed a gentle hand to Eric's chest, pushing him back. Eric watched with raised eyebrows as Kyle pulled the t-shirt over his head and threw it behind him. A lump in his throat and his heart in danger of soaring, Eric raked his eyes over Kyle's milky skin and taut stomach, his eyes finally landing on Kyle's smiling, assured face, adorably flushed and hazy with want. Beautiful wouldn't even cover it, Eric decided. He whimpered, kissing Kyle's chest and up to his mouth, Kyle laughed softly through his short, pleased gasps. Eric's hands were still all over Kyle; one hand wrapped around Kyle's chest as a finger circled a hardening nipple while the other hand ghosted over Kyle's ass.

Eric's eyes briefly shot open in surprise when Kyle grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and they both laughed giddily when they landed in a tangled heap on the floor. Their lips quickly met again, hard and hungry. Kyle's plush, hot skin and fiery scarlet curls under his fingers, their passionate kisses and Kyle's own fingers clawing at Eric's hair, raking down his writhing back and  _squeezing_   _his ass_  was igniting Eric's every nerve ending. All the years of wondering and longing, pushed to the forefront of his mind, unable to comprehend that this was Kyle he was holding. Wonderful, inescapably amazing, Kyle.

Eric considered that perhaps it was the searing heat of the moment making him so reckless, as his fingers ran and kneaded down Kyle's chest, heading for the zipper of his jeans. Eric's half-lidded, questioning eyes met Kyle's, who panted and nodded wordlessly. He sat up slightly, kissing and nipping Eric's neck in agreement, Eric moaned, popping the button and pulling down Kyle's fly. With that, Kyle grinned and rolled on top of Eric, pinning him to the carpet and smashing their mouths together, with a chorus of tightened hisses and gratified exhales.

Kyle mouthed at Eric's cheek, before he roughly commanded in his ear, "sit up."

Eric obeyed him, a waxy, aroused shiver crawling down his spine at the undeniably sexy authority in Kyle's voice. Eric's shirt was pulled over his head abruptly, not leaving him any time to be nervous, still he blushed and watched Kyle drink him in. In his mind, he practically paled next to Kyle's beauty.

"Fuck, you're cute..." Kyle said breathlessly, Eric could have sworn he almost growled it.

Eric laughed to hide his own discomfort at Kyle staring at him, grabbing Kyle's hips and pulling Kyle down on top of him.

Their wet, deep kisses and the feeling of Kyle's bare skin pressed so closely against his own - along with Kyle's aching arousal rubbing against his thigh - was making Eric grow desperately hard. Kyle's fingers left pink tracks down Eric's chest, and Eric's groan was muffled against Kyle's lips as Kyle undid his jeans.

Instinctively, Eric reached into Kyle's tented boxers, his heart and his breath stuttering as he took hold of Kyle's stiff cock. Kyle shuddered against Eric's body, Eric's lower lip caught between his teeth, at the touch. Eric teasingly ran his thumb over the strained nerves of Kyle's shaft and Kyle whimpered pleadingly, his face buried in Eric's neck. Eric relied solely on the skills he had picked up during these past few years of doing this himself, but it seemed to work as Kyle nuzzled and whimpered, the lovely noises he was making both encouraging Eric and clouding his mind.

Kyle's shaky fingers eventually delved into Eric's boxers, wasting no time in trying to bring Eric into ecstasy. As soon as Kyle's hand was on his erection, Eric's eyes rolled upwards and he let out a pleading, aroused groan that he didn't know he was holding in. Nothing could compare to Kyle's touch, Eric was already teetering on the edge.

Their shared competitive streak helped them set a pace and as time went on everything below their waists grew slicker and hotter. They writhed and jerked their hips as they fucked each other's hands, Eric was intoxicated by the growing smell of sweat and sex, Kyle's sounds and touches and their searing closeness that was draining the room of air. Desperation was taking over quickly.

Kyle arched mere centimeters off Eric's body, his face painted with pleasure as he loudly moaned, " _Eric_!" coming heavily and messy in Eric's hand. Eric moaned himself, a series of shivers rolling down his spine, the memory of Kyle crying out his name spearing right through his heart.

Kyle flushed red, remembering that his parents were downstairs and had probably heard him orgasm. Eric chuckled at that, even though he was achingly close himself. Kyle's hand trembled and grew lax around Eric's cock, but once the sensation rocketing through him had ebbed, he quickly found his pace again. A million thoughts of Kyle assaulted Eric's mind as he neared his climax; the way Kyle moaned his first name rang through his ears along with all the incredible events of this afternoon and the amazing coincidence that Kyle liked him too, that this was all he had dreamed of and more. And if that wasn't enough, Kyle surprised Eric with one final kiss to send him over the edge. Eric whimpered and cried, broken, into Kyle's mouth as he came.

They continued to kiss deliriously, Eric still trying to catch his breath. But he had a funny feeling that Kyle had stolen it forever. Eric watched as Kyle stood up on unsteady legs, walking over to his nightstand and grabbing some tissues.

Kyle threw a couple of tissues to Eric with a shy smirk, which Eric reciprocated. It seemed like there was nothing to say as they cleaned themselves off and zipped up their pants.

Eric was reeling, staring up at the ceiling when Kyle barely whispered, "look at me."

Eric turned to look at Kyle, he had never felt so defenseless as he stared at that beautiful boy. Kyle smiled at Eric, more honestly and contently than anybody ever had. An unnerving, yet remarkable realization roiled inside Eric, and God knows he had to get it out before he let it consume him for another three years.

Eric placed his large hand on Kyle's flushed cheek and confessed, "Love you." Eric stroked Kyle's cheek as he continued, "I'm sorry, but I do, Kahl. I love you so much."

"Don't apologize, please," Kyle smiled, with watery eyes. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear."

Eric bit his lip to stop the biggest smile from stretching across his face and Kyle laughed, presumably in disbelief.

But it wasn't long before their lips met once again, and Eric wondered how he was so God damn lucky to have fallen in love with Kyle. And for Kyle to have fallen in love with him.

**Author's Note:**

> 'M' doesn't stand for 'Mature', it stands for 'Mutual Masturbation', amirite? Ahem, excuse my bad, tasteless joke.
> 
> How was that? Angst, fluff and lime all rolled into one! I'd love to hear what you guys think and merry belated Christmas and a happy new year!


End file.
